Growing Up Without a Dad

Posted on February 23, 2015 by

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I have been taking kids to church for 17 years. I have averaged 19,000 miles a year, 8 hours per week in the van and 4 hours9210134_f260 a week in church. You can really get to know someone pretty well spending that much time together. I have never been blessed more than with the relationships I developed during this time. We laugh, we talk, we cry, and we sing to Christian rock. I do not know how many kids have rode in the van over the years. I know it’s been a lot. A least a thousand or more. Most of the kids I have become really close to  didn’t have a dad or had a very limited relationship with him. I can remember sitting in a doctor’s office and the nurse asking me what relation I was to the little girl I had brought in to the office. The little 10 year old girl looked up at me and asked , “Who am I to you?” That is the day I became a God dad.

Most of the kids I bring to church come from poor, single parent, inner city neighborhoods. When I started taking kids to church the news spread like wildfire. I could fill a 15 – passenger van up in no time. We started programs like Easter dress – up where we bought clothes and shoes. We got them involved in sports and rewarded them when they did good at school. I took an old house of mine and turned it into a clubhouse where we would eat breakfast Sunday morning and we would come back to it after church where we would cook out on the grill. One bedroom was a craft room while the other was set up to play video games. In the living room we installed a projector and a Wii. We made a big deal about Christmas. We would take the kids to Walmart, and the ladies at the church would wrap their gifts. We would have a Christmas party at the Clubhouse. That is all many of the kids would get for Christmas.

9210113_f520Most of the boys who rode with me  to church would come and go, but the girls would come for years. We developed very close relationships, and I have guided many of them through what I feel are the most difficult years  for a child without a dad. Girls in particular without a dad  develop  many social ills from violence to crime, and from drug use to academic failure. A child needs a dad to grow up happy.  There have been some very successful people who were fatherless, but I believe there was someone there to help them along the way. Most of my kids lived well under the poverty level and lived in homes where drugs and alcohol where prevalent.

The girls suffered the most. Recent studies has confirmed that fatherless girls suffer from depression and have major behavioral problems. It is not just a mental issue either. Girls are physically changed because of a lack of a father in the home. It has been confirmed in multiple studies that girls who live in a fatherless home reach puberty up to 4 years earlier than girls with a full time Dad. I would have little girls 8 to 9 years old starting their menstrual cycle. They became sexually active at a much earlier age, which would lead to sexually transmitted diseases, and teenage pregnancy. With a natural  internal desire to relate to a father figure these poor kids would have sexual relationships with older men which usually led to abandonment, social confusion, and  desperation.   I have had  15 year old girls become pregnant regardless of how many times we tried to talk with them. They just wouldn’t listen. The statistics are staggering. Girls with single mothers are over 100% more likely to have children during their teenage years, 164% more likely to  have a premature birth, and 53% more likely to  marry as a teenager.

Girls without a dad in their life are programed to fail. Even when they have an outside source supporting them they meet G2with failure far more often than girls with dads. Over 90 % of them are more likely to dissolve their marriages.  The way they comprehend and understand their role and their relationship with a spouse is damaged by the lack of experience. Most kids develop their self – confidence and self – esteem through a relationship with their father. They are lacking  the love that a father gives so they will have a comfortable understanding of their looks and their own body. Without this approval girls are never satisfied with the way they look.  I can just about recognize a fatherless girl by the way she dresses. The use of excessive make – up, the wild colors they choose for their hair, and tattoos are all signs of a girl who has not developed a healthy understanding of themselves.

G3They  look to their father for approval. This relationship builds team work through dad and daughter association. This is where a young girl  learns to manage her emotions, to obtain academic achievement, and to learn self –  control. Mothers on the other hand are caretakers and give young girls emotional security and stability. When a father is a disappointment to a child it will damage the healthy development of a positive role model. This leads young women to be attracted to the wrong kind of men. Developing shallow relationships based on sex and drug use. They overate the attention of a man which leaves them open to mental and physical abuse. They don’t allow themselves to open up deep enough to a man because all they feel they have to offer him is their body, and once he uses it and is finished they feel like they have nothing else left to give.  They feel rejected and hurt because they don’t spend time nurturing their own soul. They wish for love with great passion hoping for something real, but only see it as a dream so they kill their emotions to stop the pain.

  Do you see some of yourself? I suffered from depression most of my life and there were grave consequences on the relationships I developed as a young man.  One of the greatest advantages I received to help turn my life around was the knowledge of my problem. It is very difficult to see how you are from the other side of depression. It gave me something to work on, to try and understand how I reacted to certain situations.   I used that understanding to change my behavior. Now when I find myself in a rut I realize it isn’t me that is causing the problem, it is the depression. Does this help you to understand where you have been coming from. Do you see how you have been mentally and physically challenged in your life so far?

I have answers!  First of all, I want to tell you about your real Father. I am not talking about your mama’s baby’s daddy. I am talking about your Heavenly Father who created you. He has known you since the foundations of the earth were laid. He created you an individual like no other on this earth now, in the past, or the future. He created you to be a successful, loving, and caring person with the attributes of a saint. He created you to have fellowship directly with Him through daily Bible study and prayer.  He made all of this possible through His Son Jesus Christ.

You are probably thinking, “Then why have all these things happened to me?” We are born with a disease, a disease G4that in the end will kill us all. No one on this earth can escape.  We inherit it from our parents. It has been passed down from generation to generation since Adam and Eve. The name of the disease is sin. Now for us to be conscious of sin God had to give us the law. The Law is a mirror that reveals  to us our sinful condition. Sin separates us from God. “Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, that every mouth may be stopped, and all the world may become guilty before God.  Therefore by the deeds of the law no flesh will be justified in His sight, for by the law is the knowledge of sin.” Romans 3:19-20 NKJV

Nowhere in the Bible has God promised us that we would not go through trials, tribulation, suffering and pain. Disappointment and heartache affect every human being regardless of his relationship with Christ. Suffering is often the testing ground for our faith. Many who are tested through tribulations and  trails come out of the ordeal with a stronger relationship with God.  My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 NKJV  I believe that every child of God has some type of trial,  they must overcome to find  close and lasting fellowship with God. Success and suffering go hand in hand.

He did not leave us here by ourselves. He provided us a way to escape sin. For us to escape the control it has over our life we have to surrender that sin, or our life to Christ. It is a unnatural act, because the natural person on this earth is bent toward sin. We need to give ourselves to Jesus Christ, so that He may possess our hearts, minds and souls. When He has completed this task there is absolutely nothing left in us because all of what we were was sin. Now when we surrender our life, our emotions, our will and our possessions to Christ we become completely empty. This is the only way God can re – create us in His own likeness.

  When we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. When we believe what God tells us through the written Word. There is a new power within of us. That power is God in us for He immediately places the power of the Holy Spirit within our heart. This new power within every believer will lead us down the path of righteous living. It will lead us into a new life.  From that moment on the Holy Spirit leads, assures, indwells, comforts and seals your heart designating you the property of Almighty God. He proclaims to all the spirit world that you no longer belong to Satan. Did you know that every time someone believes the Word of God, every time someone receives  grace through the saving faith necessary to enter the Kingdom of God, all the angels in heaven stop what they are doing and praise God for 30 minutes. That’s how important your soul is to the One Who paid the price for you.

G5  The Bible tells us, For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 NKJV. Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose from the grave. He paid the penalty for our sin and bridged the gap that is between God and man . “For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.” 1 Tim. 2:5 NKJV. So that through Jesus Christ our sins are forgiven.  All we have to do is accept  Jesus as our Savior.  “For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:  Not of works, lest any man should boast.” Eph. 2:8–9 NKJV.  Jesus says, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to Him, and will sup with Him, and He with me.” Rev. 3:20 NKJV. Would you like to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior right now?  “If you shall confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and shall believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved. For with the heart man believes unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” Romans 10:9-10 NKJV. If you will hear His call and obey His word, you can be born again this very moment. He will save you now and make you a member of His family.  Through prayer you can invite Jesus into your life. Start by saying, “Dear Heavenly Father,  I admit that I am a sinner. I believe Your Son Jesus Christ died for my sins and was risen from the grave so that I can have fellowship with You.  Please come into my life and lead me in Your ways. In Jesus Christ’s name I pray,  Amen.”

  I would like to be your God dad. With God’s help and only God’s help I want to help you overcome the problems you are struggling with. I have had many experiences over the last 17 years and I would like to share that experience with you. I can do that in several ways. You can comment on this page and I will respond to you. You can email me at alan@kidsnchrist.com. I will respond to you. I have written hundreds of fact –  filled pages on overcoming the problems of this world. You can go to millennialchristian.com or kidsnchrist.wordpress.com and read them for yourself or I can help you choose articles to read. If you do not have a Bible I will be glad to send you one.

I have a prayer for you. I pray that you will stop letting the past control your destiny. That you will seek out the Lord and let c6Him begin a new life for you. I pray that you will forgive the family members who hurt you and will take the steps necessary to become a new creation in Christ. I pray all these things for you even if we haven’t met. I love you and I wish these things for you because I lived part of my life separated from God. I got caught up in this world and found it to be a very lonely place. I found that the friends I made and the things I did had no real value because joy and true happiness can only be found through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.